The Shock...

So, I had told my Husband that I was pregnant and we were at the end of April 2013, you can imagine the shock. He was quite and deliberating what I had said, but at this point slightly inebriated due to the celebrations and my mind was whirling, I am going to be a mother a hell of allot sooner than I had bloody expected!

Instead of keeping quite, as most good husbands would do, when your wife tells you that your expecting and that it is very early, only 4 weeks if that, he then decides to blurt it out to everyone on that roof top who had joined us in our company celebrations following our event, that he was going to be a dad. Great I thought, thanks a bloody bunch for telling everyone, even though I hadn't told our families. I glared at him and smiled at the well wishers but glared none the less, as he should not have said anything, especially since I was still getting my head around it and allot can happen between now and 12 weeks, 'Wait till I get you home', I mouthed at him.......

That weekend at the beginning of May, I did the next test to double check and yes there again in great bold strokes two lines looked unwaveringly at me.. that puts to bed the phantom pregnancy idea I thought.

So I told my husband that yes, I am definitely pregnant and the next step I need to do is book myself into my Dr's for appointment, he looked at me and said 'well there goes my 13th new year in a different country',  I just said 'Well we are definitely going to have an eventful Christmas and New Year, since I will be due around 28th December 2013', his eyes just bulged, while smoking a cigarette...

I continued that he has to realise it is quite difficult for me since; 1) I wasn't expecting to be pregnant quite so soon, since I had only taken out my contraceptive implant on 27th March! Which was just a few days over a month ago, 2) it doesn't help that he is smoking and I have to quit now, including stop drinking (which to be fair was quite easy) 3) everything was being turned on its head due to me being pregnant. He said one thing....'Well I am quite known for being fertile'!! I just burst out laughing...... talk about trumpeting his vitality...

That Sunday 5th May,  I went to see my best friend who I will call 'AK', (AK was also my chief bridesmaid at my wedding and someone I have known for 11 years and just adore), for a bit of a chin wag and moral support. Now she has always been on at me saying ' when are you going to have children and catch up with me?' as she is a mother of two adorable little girls, one of whom is my god daughter. As soon as I got to her house, I said to her 'I have something to tell you and just looked at her....' her eyes widened and she shrieked 'your pregnant' while grabbing me in a bear hug.... her laughter was infectious and I giggled 'yes' and told her that I was about 5 weeks as my monthly was due around 24th April etc...she said 'I knew it, as soon as you said your boobs were sore', since I had text her about some of the symptoms I was experiencing a few weeks ago... 

'I hope your ready to be a god mother?' I said, she replied 'I will be there every step of the way, whether you like it or not, including telling off your husband'... I just felt very comfortable and that was when I started allow some of my inner turmoil to go, my husband on the other hand was stress central.

I had the Dr's appointment booked for the 9th May and went, why I bothered I don't know, since I had a new Dr this time, all she did was fill in paperwork and refer me to a hospital. When I asked her  which had the best maternity unit from the list of the four she offered, she looked at me and said 'I don't know' then started searching on her phone. So I did my own quick search and made a selection,  she then told me I will hear from them to confirm the first scan which will be booked in around 8 weeks or so and if I didn't hear from them directly to ring this number. On closer inspection of the pamphlet and info sheet I was given, the number actually showed a different hospital!! arghhhhh... I actually wanted to strangle her....(metaphorically speaking of course)

So a few days later, I get a call from the different hospital which was shown on the info sheet I was given, saying that they cant do anything with this referral and that I need to speak to the Dr's surgery to get them to refer me to the hospital I requested. So I dutifully rang the surgery and spoke to the referral secretary, who said that yes she will try and call them to enquire. The lady then rang me the next day and said she could get through and that she will fax them instead... talk about having no idea... I threw question after question at her, but I had to leave it there, as there is nothing I can do for now but leave it in there questionable hands...

Back to stress central, due to my  husband and my job being very highly pressurised, his mind started to not focus and following on from months of us working virtually every weekend (as we had to ensure the projects we ran and the event we held went 110%), I just knew it was a matter of time till he cracked, as I could already see the signs. He had black rings under his eyes, he was less decisive and short tempered , I therefore decided we needed to get away just the two of us to relax... 

I text my sister and she said 'go for it, you need this and it will allow you two talk, you have both worked so hard'....so a 5 day Holiday was booked on a Tuesday 14th May going that week Thursday.... Thank Heavens...relief and time out was immanent.....

The Beginning...

I'm in my thirties, an entrepreneur, a business owner, part jet setter and just recently married and having taken steps many years ago to ensure that I didn't become a mother to to soon, imagine my shock at finding out that I was pregnant after making one decision not so long ago, that has now become life changing!!! Let me start from the beginning.....

After getting married in 2012, my husband and I went to the Caribbean for the most glorious of honeymoons and a couple weeks off from the hustle and bustle of working life. Children were discussed but collectively that was a future a few years away for us, as we enjoy spending our Christmas and New Year abroad in a new country every year and flying were we will, when ever we get the opportunity, on the spur of the moment and a child would put a bit of a spanner in the works...

Then early in 2013 my husband turns to me and says, 'I know you want to have children and as your thirty two time is ticking!! Wow I thought, my own husband highlighting my fading youth... he continues 'maybe you should look at taking your implant out?'. Now for me this was a big deal and as my husband and I have been together for over 7 years, I know he is worried and scared about becoming a father due to 'bad history' and for me, I chose to have the implant to show my support and love for him, even if it meant giving up the choice of having children. 

As I said It was a big deal, I turned to him and said 'Are you sure? as I do not want to take this out if you do not want to have children, as I need your support', 'yes' he said 'because it's you and I love you, book the appointment with the doctor'...

So I booked my appointment  which in its self was a bit of a palaver, since I could not get an appointment for three weeks in the clinic I needed to remove the implant. The date was eventually set for the 27th March 2013, which was only a day away from when we took all of our staff to France for a bonding trip. 

Now during the time between the decision and the appointment, it went to the back of my mind and I carried on as per usual,  client drinks, smoking (as yes I am a smoker) and late office nights but for my husband it was at the forefront.... he starting stressing more, Mr Jack (JD) become a close friend for a few nights and then that's when he opened up on his feelings... but we stuck to the appointment.

27th March came and went and I was left with a small hole in upper arm covered by a plaster and bruising. Then the next day off we went to France for our staff trip and at the same time, down I went with the Flu and sever cold! Great start to the Easter weekend....

I put it down to my hormones going loopy and that I was run down, as I never normally get hit by the flu but  I certainly tried to keep pace with everyone that weekend and even arranged for an 'adult Easter egg hunt', which involved tequila.... all I can say it went down a treat.

On our return to the UK, things got back to normal albeit suffering a perpetual cold, but then I started feeling very tired and the best word to use is 'odd'.

Around the third week in April, my bust got larger and I went up to a DD from a D but I was not late yet... but the feeling that things were different persisted, especially needing the ladies more, my Husband even asked are you late? so my bust must have made an impression! During this time I however had a massive project to undertake and therefore I didn't want to be distracted by potential pregnancy thoughts, but to put my inner concerns to rest, I decided to buy the early response test and did it the night before the  'D day' of our company event which was hosting hundreds of people.

Positive.... yes it had two lines.... mmmm my brain went, I looked at the box to double check one line means no and two means yes..... then I thought I wonder if the test comes out positive with a phantom pregnancy? or it could be wrong as I did do it in the early afternoon (as I am not one for rigid rules, like early morning testing is recommended).. so I left it and then saw my sister at the event who I confided my thoughts too... and yes she was highly happy, but I on the other hand  stated 'it was far to early to tell anyone and I need to do another test, as I couldn't even be 4 weeks' and my fingers flew over the type pad on my mobile for sites on Phantom pregnancy etc.

The outcome of the test was then pushed to the back of my mind and I was focused on the day job and company event...I then confided in my husband later that day but he said he did not want to know then, as we had a job to do. By night time during the celebrations with the team, he sidled up to me and then asked me quietly what I wanted to tell him and I said..'Honey, I think I may be pregnant'.......